Hot Dog and Bob: Adventure 5 Read online

  Right in the middle of my absolutely not understanding, kids started floating up above the field in glowing green dog-bone bubbles just like the one the Terrible Triplets were in.

  “Come on, kiddo,” Hot Dog smiled. “Looks like we’ve got us a job to do!”

  He straightened out his cape, put his arms up Superman-style, and flew toward the field. Don’t ask me why I went running after him. I just did.

  “Hey, Hot Dog,” I yelled as I ran, “shouldn’t we have some kind of a plan here?”

  “Sorry, kid!” he yelled back. “No time for a plan! We’re going to have to play this baby by ear!”

  Chapter 8

  You’re Not My Mommy!

  When we got to the field, Hot Dog swooped down, grabbed me by the back of my collar and used some kind of super-weenie strength to lift me up and over the barbed-wire fence.

  “Well, well, what have we here?” asked Doris.

  “Looks like a delicious flyin’ snack,” Stanley drooled over Hot Dog.

  “I’m no snack, Jack!” my partner exclaimed. “Hot Dog’s my name. And fightin’ bad stuff’s my game!”

  “You’re barkin’ up the wrong tree there, little snack guy,” said Stanley. “We’re not bad stuff!”

  “Not at all,” said Doris. “In fact, we’re here for a very good cause!”

  “Oh, yeah?” I said. “If you think trapping and stealing kids is a good cause, then you’d better think again!”

  “Oh, look,” said Doris. “It’s that funny little boy who went to find out about the nail-trimming and shiny-coat treatments.”

  “Nobody will want to adopt a troublemaker with an attitude like that,” said Stanley. “We might as well get rid of him right here and now.”

  He took the slobbery stick out of his mouth, aimed it at me, and mumbled, “Bow-ruffy-wow-ruffy-woof-woof-woof!”

  This time it was a bright red beam of light that shot out of the icky stick. But I barely had the chance to freak out about dying before Doris threw herself in front of me. I still don’t know exactly what happened, but the light just bounced right off her poodley body, and I was totally fine!

  “I’ve been looking everywhere for a fearless guard boy like this one!” Doris said, patting me on the head. “From now on, little pet, you’re mine! All mine!”

  “I don’t think so!” Hot Dog said, making a move to press one of his handy-dandy bun buttons and fix everything.

  But unfortunately for us, Stanley beat him to the punch. “Bow-ruffy-wow-ruffy-woof-woof-woof!” the bulldog said as he zapped.

  The next thing Hot Dog and I knew, we were wearing matching orange light-beam harnesses, and Doris was holding our leashes!

  “What am I supposed to do with this thing?” she said, looking down her nose at Hot Dog.

  “Just tie ‘em both up for now,” Stanley said, licking his lips. “I’m savin’ the snack for later.”

  Doris tied the ends of our leashes to the barbed-wire fence, and Stanley secured them with an impenetrable light-beam barrier.

  “You be a good widdle boy,” Doris said, patting me on the head. “Mommy will be back for her cutie wootie just as soon as she finishes her worky worky. Okeydokey?”

  “You’re not my mommy!” I snapped.

  “A little visit to training school and he won’t remember he ever even had a mother!” Doris cackled to Stanley as they walked away.

  “Did you hear that?” I panicked. “She’s going to brainwash me!”

  “Never mind that,” said Hot Dog. “He’s going to eat me!”

  We were both trying our hardest to rip off our harnesses, but it was no use.

  “I don’t know what kind of crazy light beam these things are made out of,” said Hot Dog, “but it appears to have deactivated my bun buttons. I hate to say this, partner, but unless an angel decides to show up…”

  Hot Dog collapsed on the ground, put his face in his hot-doggy little hands and sighed. He never finished his sentence; he didn’t have to. We both knew perfectly well that unless a miracle happened, our planet would become one big people-pet school, I would become Doris the poodle’s brainwashed guard boy, and Hot Dog would become Stanley the slobbery bulldog’s very next snack!

  Chapter 9

  Angel in Disguise

  “Did somebody call for an angel?” asked a voice.

  Hot Dog and I turned around to see Clementine wearing the worst dog costume you’ve ever seen. I don’t know what got into us, but we both just started laughing uncontrollably.

  “What do you think you’re laughing at?” yelled Clementine. “If anyone should be laughing, it’s me! I’ve been watching this whole disaster from across the street, on old Mr. Burpmeister’s roof. And it doesn’t take a genius to know you don’t just go charging into enemy territory without having some type of disguise on!”

  Even though I was laughing at Clementine, I was totally relieved to see her. And even though her dog disguise was beyond pitiful, I had to admit she was actually kind of right. Hot Dog and I had been idiots for barging onto that field without a plan.

  “You came back!” I said. “I thought you’d left for good!”

  “I’m not that bad a friend,” said Clementine. “I just needed some time to think and make a plan.”

  “Oh, that’s cool,” I said, trying to act like it was no big deal. “But how did you get over the fence?”

  “I didn’t get over it,” she said, taking a shovel out from under her dog disguise.”I got under it!”

  “Miss Clementine,” Hot Dog said all seriously, “you risked your life to come back here and save us. If we ever make it out of this mess alive, I promise to see to it that you are awarded Dogzalot’s highest medal of honor, the Royal Purple Potato of Bravery.”

  “The Royal Purple what of what?” asked Clementine.

  “It’s our version of your country’s distinguished honor, the Purple Heart,” Hot Dog explained. “It’s not every day that—”

  “The power’s in the chew stick!” I interrupted frantically. “The chew stick shoots out the light beams!”

  “He’s right,” said Hot Dog. “You gotta get that stick so we can reverse the light beams, break out of these harnesses and start savin’ the world!”

  “Ohhh-kaaay,” said Clementine. “And I’m supposed to do that exactly how?”

  “Just be sneaky,” yawned Hot Dog. “Just be very, very sneakily sneaky!”

  “Um, could you be a little more specific?” said Clementine. “I mean, there’s kind of a lot at stake here, including a little thing I like to call…my life!”

  But Hot Dog couldn’t be any more specific about that or anything else. He’d fallen asleep, and we couldn’t wake him back up!

  Chapter 9½

  A Robot or Something

  “Hot Dog! You have to wake up!” I said, shaking him kind of hard.

  “Wake him, don’t break him!” said Clementine.

  “If the light beam deactivated his bun buttons,” I panicked, “maybe it deactivated other stuff, too!”

  “Hot Dog’s not a machine,” said Clementine. “He’s a living, breathing flesh-and-blood being. You can’t just deactivate someone unless he’s like…a robot or something.”

  The second Clementine said the word robot we both just stopped and stared at each other.

  “No way!” I said. “He would have told us if he were a robot.”

  “Do we really know that for sure?” asked Clementine. “Think about it, Bob. Do we really know anything about Hot Dog for sure?”

  “We know he comes from Dogzalot, where everyone’s a superhero hot dog,” I said. “We know he believes in peace, respects the Big Bun and—”

  “And what?!” said Clementine. “Face it, we basically know nothing about the guy. Take his parents, for example. Have you ever heard him say one word about his parents? Maybe he has no parents. Maybe he was never even born at all. Maybe he was manufactured in some factory!”

  I was all mixed up. I couldn’t think straight.
Could Clementine be right? Could the feisty little weenie in charge of saving our whole big planet be nothing more than a machine? I couldn’t stop to think about it. Robot or not, we had to get that stick and wake up Hot Dog!

  Chapter 10

  Sneakily Sneaky

  Clementine bravely grabbed some branches off the ground and traded her lousy dog disguise in for a lousy tree disguise. I watched helplessly as she sneakily sneaked her way across the field, sneakily sneaked the chew stick out of Stanley’s back pocket, then sneakily sneaked her way back over to Hot Dog and me.

  “I can’t believe you actually got it!” I said. “Quick! Aim it at Hot Dog before it’s too late!”

  “Earth to Bob,” said Clementine. “We can’t just aim and shoot! Who knows what could happen! Besides, we need to reverse the light beams, not make more of them!”

  Hot Dog’s snoring was changing from loud and snorty to quiet and gaspy. We had to figure out how the stick worked—immediately!

  “Jackpot!” said Clementine. “Look! Underneath the slobber there’s a capital R on this end! That has to stand for reverse!”

  I pointed the stick with the R end facing Hot Dog and said, “Please, oh, please, oh, pleeeeease reverse!” But nothing happened.

  “Maybe pointing isn’t enough,” said Clementine. “The bulldog must have done something else. Come on, Bob, you have to think!”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “He might have said something—bark, woof—you know, something like that.”

  “Think, Bob!” Clementine begged. “The fate of all Earth’s children is in your hands!”

  Chapter 11

  It Wasn’t a Dream

  I couldn’t take the pressure.

  “I can’t do it,” I said, sweating like a pig in a fur coat in a sauna. “I’m never going to remember the right words!”

  “Yes, you are!” said Clementine. “The whole reason the Big Bun picked you to be Hot Dog’s Earth partner in the first place was your excellent memory! Come on, just try one more time!”

  Right when I was ready to give up for good, Hot Dog let out a sad, squeaky little gurgle.

  “Bow-ruffy-wow-ruffy-woof-woof-woof!” I said without even thinking.

  Luckily, it worked like a charm! Hot Dog’s light-beam harness got sucked right into the chew stick! It shot back so hard and fast the sheer force of it knocked me flat on my butt!

  “You’ll never believe the dream I had,” Hot Dog yawned. “There were these two dogs in uniforms and—”

  “It wasn’t a dream!” Clementine said. “Don’t you remember? Before you went to sleep? Dogs taking over the world? People pets? All that fun stuff?”

  While Hot Dog tried to wake up and remember, Clementine and I tried not to get stampeded by Stanley and Doris, who just so happened to be running our way.

  Chapter 12

  Dude! I Love This Thing!

  “There it is!” barked Stanley. “They have it!”

  “I don’t understand,” Doris said, screeching to a halt. “What would my perfect widdle pet guard boy be doing with our light activator?”

  “I’m not your pet, lady—er, I mean doggy!” I said, pointing the stick at myself. “Bow-ruffy-wow-ruffy-woof-woof-woof!”

  It worked again! This time my harness got vacuumed up!

  “Why don’t you be a good little boy and hand that thing over before somebody gets hurt?” slobbered Stanley. “Then I can eat my tasty snack here, and we can all just get right on back to business as usual.”

  But being in control of that powerful device made me feel like I could do anything!

  “I believe my partner already told you he is not a snack!” I said. “And for your information, business as usual at Lugenheimer Elementary does not happen to include you two kidnapper weirdos!”

  I pointed the nonreverse end of the stick at Stanley and Doris, said, “Bow-ruffy-wow-ruffy-woof-woof-woof,” and—BAM—they were trapped in a glowing cage of bright blue light!

  “Dude!” I said, “I love this thing!”

  Hot Dog jumped up, grabbed the magical stick out of my hand and flew away, saying, “Gotta hurry up before—”

  “Before what?” I called after him.

  “I think what the snack was trying to say,” Doris said, pointing up above our heads, “is before our transporter comes to load up our first pet shipment to bring back to Bowwowwowwow. But too bad for you we signaled our transporter hours ago, so…Oh, well—c’est la vie!”

  “Say la what?” asked Clementine.

  “C’est la vie,” said Doris. “It’s French for ‘that’s life.’”

  “I didn’t know you spoke French,” Stanley said all excitedly.

  “There’s a lot you don’t know about me,” Doris said, fixing her ears.

  Clementine and I looked up to see the transporter hovering above the field. It was a spaceship shaped like a bone. A blinding tunnel of light was pouring out of it and sucking up the glowing green bubble prisons right before our eyes!

  Chapter 13

  The Bun Attack Is Back

  Hot Dog was flying circles around the transporter. He tried the chew stick in reverse mode to suck up the tunnel of light. When that failed, he used the other end to shoot zillions of light beams directly at the transporter itself. But nothing worked. The last green bubble disappeared into the light. The door closed, and the transporter started to hover away.

  “Oh, no!” cried Clementine.

  “Don’t get too much exercise up there,”Stanley yelled at Hot Dog. “I like my snacks with plenty of fat on ‘em!” “Forget this rawhide reject!” Hot Dog said, flinging the stick away. “Ladies and gentlemen, the bun attack is back!”

  He pushed one secret bun button, and gallons of ketchup squirted out all over the transporter. He pushed another, and tons of relish coated the thing. A third bun button released pounds of chopped onions. And even though the transporter was already spiraling down, Hot Dog pushed the mustard and sauerkraut buttons. SPLAT!!! SPLAT!!!

  The good news was Hot Dog’s bun attack grounded the transporter. The bad news was the thing was so covered in a gigantic mountain of slime that I couldn’t imagine ever seeing Marco, Priscilla or any of our other poor trapped friends again!

  “I’m warnin’ you,” Stanley drooled. “If you don’t let us out of here on the double, you’re in real big trouble!”

  “Oh, yeah?” said Clementine. “Well, we’re out here, and you’re in there. From where I’m standing, it looks like you two are the ones who are in trouble!”

  “Good heavens!” complained Doris. “Why won’t they understand? Dogs don’t belong on leashes—people do!”

  “How’s about we play us a little game?” said Hot Dog. “A little game called Let’s Make a Deal!”

  “What do you have in mind, Snack Man?” slobbered Stanley.

  “Well,” said Hot Dog, “for starters you can call me by my real name: Robot Number Three Thousand Seven Hundred and Sixty-Four.”

  Clementine and I looked at each other in complete and utter horror. It shouldn’t have mattered to us if he was flesh and blood or not. But it did. It really did!

  “Ha! Just pullin’ yer leg’!” Hot Dog laughed.”I heard you two talkin’ in my sleep. For your information, I happen to have two perfectly nice parents, thank you very much! As a matter of fact, I promised to pay my dear old mother a visit after work today, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to wrap this mission up and get a move on!”

  “All right!” barked Stanley. “You’ve got our light activator; we’ve got nothin’ but a big blue cage. What kind of a deal we talkin’ about here?”

  “We agree to let you out,” said Hot Dog, “and you agree to go home and never set foot or tail on this planet again! Is it a deal?”

  “Hold on a second,” slobbered Stanley. “Let me check with my fiancée, here. What do you think, Dory, baby? Should we make the deal?”

  “Oh, Stanley!” cried Doris. “Are you proposing marriage to me? Oh, Stanley! This is the most won
derful day of my entire life!”

  “Wow!” said Clementine. “I definitely didn’t see that one coming.”

  Chapter 14

  Doggy-Slobber Nightmares

  After Doris accepted Stanley’s proposal, that’s all either of them could talk about—you know, who was coming to the wedding, where the honeymoon would be. Believe it or not, they were so excited about their big news they could hardly wait to get home.

  Hot Dog pushed his famous clean-everything-up-and-return-everything-to-normal bun button, and the ketchup, relish, onions, sauerkraut and mustard were completely gone. So were Doris and Stanley and any sign at all of light beams, barbed-wire fences or people-pet training things of any kind.